She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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