Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
