So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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