Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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