I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
