i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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