meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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