Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize