honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
