every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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