puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
