Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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