I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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