Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
