you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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