Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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