Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
