i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
