I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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