They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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