FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
