I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
