I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
