We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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