State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
