So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.