I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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