Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.