oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed