used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.