would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I