Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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