Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
