hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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