I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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