It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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