then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
