In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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