She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
