i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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