There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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