I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
