How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
