you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
