Screwed.edu
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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