THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
