I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
