youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
