So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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