I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
