So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
