i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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