I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
