Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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