Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize