I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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