I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
A bitchslap is in order.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
