Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
