i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
