I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
