Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
