Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
