Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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