We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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