Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
