u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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