i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He shit in the fireplace
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