I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
