I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
