Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
