Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
