I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
