After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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