OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
