I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
