And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
