the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just high enough for therapy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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