I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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